Dear Diva Rebecca,

I'm a 53 year old man and healthy. I have had no sex in ten years! I am severely depressed about this and I am more than desperate, it's more like a state of an emergency. I have even had suicidal thoughts because of my loneliness. I can't stand not having fun with a woman. I might as well have no penis. What can I do about it? I'm not a woman charmer. I don't even like playing the game. I just want a woman to come from behind me, wrap her arms around me and say, "You're mine honey, you're coming home with me!" The only women I am around are those at grocery stores or convenient stores! I hardly see any single women anywhere. They either have children with them or other men around them. I am so hungry for sex and love, I just want to see women who want the same! Women just don't seem loose and easy to meet anymore. They seem as if they aren't looking and don't need anyone.

Sincerely,

Sex Starved,
Jupiter, Florida

Dear Sex Starved,

I understand your frustration and your concern. And believe me, you are not alone. There are also many other women in the same exact predicament as you have described. However, I think you may have a problem where your frame of mind lies. Your entire state of mind seems to revolve around sex. I am sure after ten years of no sex, anyone would be feeling a bit mad. Still, you need to exit this frame of mind before you keel over. It is doing you no good to dream and fantasize constantly on having sexual relations with women. Sure, fantasizing is fine and normal, but it seems to be preoccupying your entire world.

One reason why I am telling you this is because most single women your age are not looking for a sexual relationship. Eventually intimacy is expected but for the most part women are seeking companionship from a nice guy, a grounded guy and a guy who has a good stable head on his shoulders. Now if you happened to meet a single and available woman right now, in this state of mind, you will probably ooze the desire for sex from every breathing pore in your body. And most women might find that creepy, no matter how good looking you are. A man of your age who only has one thing on his mind seems more like the "sinister dirty old man" that we were taught to beware of as children. I know above that you say you are looking for companionship and love as well. But that should be your foremost desire and leave the sexual relationship and intimacy to follow in natural succession with time. The most important thing for you to realize, right now, is that women want more than sex. If a potential candidate thinks your only interested in hooking up, you will be the last one on her list.

A couple of items you mentioned above bothered me. You said that women just don't seem loose enough. I hope to dear God you don't use this line on any woman you meet. No woman wants to be considered loose. And this is also the wrong way to look at a woman. Second, you mentioned that many women have children. This is not a bad thing. There are many single moms out there. If you are completely ignoring women who have children then you are only in it for the sex, which is wrong. Women with children are not burdens. They prove to be the strongest of the species; we are the ones always taking care of the children when the husbands leave or abandon in most cases.

You say that the only single women you see are at the grocery store. You must lead an ultimately boring life. Join a gym. Better yet, join a girly gym. I belong to a gym which offers plenty of daily classes such as spinning and body pump. In each class there are about 20 girls, and maybe one guy. And all of the girls have great bodies....they work out! You should think of becoming more involved. You can always find good women at church; many available women go to church to meet good men (and to pray of course). And if you are really brave, try yoga. You would almost always be the only man in the class. Become more active in your community, get on a town committee and get noticed in the public. It isn't as hard as it sounds. You just have to get out there!

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca